Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
