winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
