Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
