Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
