okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
