I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
