my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
