Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
