i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
