im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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