two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
