grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
