remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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