it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
