dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
