dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
