We're facebook friends in real life
He uses pillows to masturbate.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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