3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize