Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
