Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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