Only a mothe r could love this liver
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
