Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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