I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
