I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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