Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
