I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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