I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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