i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
