I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
