I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
