Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
