THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
