...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
