@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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