I am spending my child support on dildos
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
