Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
