Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize