chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
