I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
