I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
