dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
where am i from again
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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