Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
