I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
