hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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