nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was like giving head to a cactus.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
