Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize