Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
