I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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