Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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