Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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