I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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