bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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