so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
