I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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