remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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