i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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