So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
