it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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