sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
