he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
