2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize