Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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