UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize