I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the day after is always just damage control
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't turn off my feet"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
