The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
