Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
