haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can I color on your dick again?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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