I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
