Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
