i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize