Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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