Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
