girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
God I need to hump something, right now.
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