It's like God shit irony all over that family
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
