Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
